TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

Like an all-you-can-eat buffet gone bad, this movie is awful in large portions. Iíll start with the incomprehensible plot where the shape-shifting, benevolent Autobots have to defend Earth from an exiled Decepticon known as ďthe FallenĒ (as in, this movie has fallen and canít get up). The dialogue defines stilted and in the case of two Autobots, who converse in nonsensical hip-hop argot, borders on being stereotypically racist. The battle scenes are an exercise in confusion since you canít really tell whoís who; this kills any real impact they might have had. For all of the dazzling, computer-generated visual effects, there are just as many glaring continuity and narrative glitches like the sequence where characters flee Washington D.C.ís Smithsonian Air and Space Museum onto a desert air strip. And can anybody rationally explain to me how the main characterís (Shia LaBeouf) parents (Kevin Dunn and Julie White) went from Paris in one scene only to fall out of the sky into the climactic Egyptian desert showdown near the conclusion? I guess itís not a concern of screenwriters Ehren Kruger, Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci who seem to be operating with the mindset that their audience is going to be a bunch of simpletons who would never question any of these artistic mishaps. After awhile, it becomes obvious that the dialogue in this mess is merely a bridge between sequences where famous landmarks are blown up with relative ease. Itís what Iíve come to expect from director Michael Bay (See sidebar below) whoís cornered the market on making worthless movies, like this one, that make ungodly amounts at the box office. HmmmÖmaybe we are simpletons!

OTHER CRAPPY MOVIES DIRECTED BY MICHAEL BAY: BAD BOYS (1995), THE ROCK (1996), ARMAGEDDON (1998), PEARL HARBOR (2001), BAD BOYS 2 (2003), THE ISLAND (2005), TRANSFORMERS (2007)