Are you ready for it? It's just around the corner. Yes, October 16, Bosses Day, is almost here. This is the day that everyone whose nine-to-five existence is closer to Dilbert or The Office (or in this economy, Survivor,) than to Lifestyles of the American Dream gets the opportunity to buy cards and presents for the one guy in the office who already has everything.

I understand Secretary's Day. It makes sense to me that we want to honor secretaries. It doesn't matter what office you're in, or where that office is, or how many cubicles fade off into the distance; out of all the people in that office, the secretary is the one who does the most work, gets the lowest pay, and often actually keeps the place running. In other words, the least appreciated rat in the rat race. Let's face it, she needs one day a year where she is treated like a human being, not simply patted on the head and "promoted" to "Administrative Assistant" and then sent off to get the boss's laundry.

But Bosses Day? What's the idea behind this? This is the guy who gets the corner office, the big salary, the martini lunches, the bonuses, the afternoon golf game with a "client." Did I mention all the money? This is they guy the secretary gets coffee for, takes suits to the cleaners for, orders flowers for his wife when he forget their anniversary. And now, she's supposed to buy him an expensive lunch (on her salary) and pick out a suitably appropriate Hallmark card, preferably one with a jingle that plays when you open it, something like "You Light up my Life." (I'm looking for a card that plays "You Don't Own Me" when you open it.)

I'm not being sexist by using "guy" for the boss and "gal" for the secretary. I'm not even attempting to be statistical, though according to the Bureau for Labor Statistics, if you remove the numbers for Mary Kay Cosmetics from the mix, all bosses in the U.S. are male, and all but three secretaries are female. One of that three is Jeremy Bernard, the White House social secretary, which may not count at all. (And yes, there are male "administrative assistants.") So, technically, the boss is sometimes a gal. However, I doubt Martha Stewart is any more fun after the cameras are turned off than Donald Trump is with them turned one. No, I use "guy" because the word fits the indignation I feel at the very idea of Bosses Day.

I originally thought Bosses Day was started by Donald Trump. Along with his two-story hair piece and having a TV show centered entirely around him telling some poor schmuck "You're fired!" I thought bosses day is yet another way for him to stroke his already over the top ego. But no, Bosses Day was started by a young secretary in Deerfield, Illinois, back in the 50s as a way to honor her dad, who was also her boss, on his birthday. That "awe shucks" moment has become a Hallmark Day, or nightmare, for the rest of us.

And, somewhere along the line, the bosses at Hallmark decided we weren't paying enough to kiss up to our bosses with a cardboard greeting in an envelope. When did Hallmark cards start costing more than a supersized meal at McDonalds? (Both leave a bad taste in your mouth.) The bosses at Hallmark are laughing all the way to the bank, especially when their secretaries have to go out and pay $9.95 for a Bosses Day card for them.